Images of my childhood chasing each other along the line of an horizon that i’m able to perceive only by fetches. Fragments of memories that are interwoven without being able to focus my attention on one in particular. Now it is the turn of Marianna. I see her even more incredibly beautiful than at any time in her magical flourish adolescence. She calls me but I can not reach her, and, in the meanwhile, her face, white as nacre, goes out of focus and turn into white foam. Now the image is real. There are thousands of small fish, chased by ferocious predators, struggling towards an improbable salvation. From the purple haze of the sunset, as they were taking off from the small cumulus right above, here are the gannets to make single bite victims, penetrating the liquid element fast as missiles. This noise of the water is becoming more and more deafening.
This must be the entrance of Eden reserved to us, Argonauts of the oceans. Soon I will prey. I see the faces of my closest friends among those fleeing fish and their eyes express terror.
A feeling of well-being, nevertheless pervades my body. For the first time I feel a step from IT. The InfiniTe knows no affections, memories nor feelings. The InfiniTe begins when everything ends. IT’s the end of the trip. The final destination. The passage will be as sweet as the scent of these interminable moments. I am sure of it.
And perhaps it’s this certainty itself to give me peacefullness.
Now I’m in the Howard Johnson’s of Times Square with Bill and I focalize my eyes on a giant billboards outside, on the square, and I find myself hopping over the junks in Ma Nam Wat, then I am in a pub in Saint Kilda in the middle of a bunch of drunken Australians. As looking thru a maddened kaleidoscope I resee debris of images: the house in South Kensington, Sam Lords Castle of Barbados, the beach of Punta del Este, the green mountains of Hanavave with its streams of hot water and the rainbows, the motel in Pompano Beach; but the images keep flowing faster and faster and gradually I’m unable to focalize them. I find myself in swaddling clothes on the sand, under the gaze of the great Sphinx in Gizah. I’m trying to scream but no sound radiating.
Someone took me in her womb. A young woman. My mother after giving birth.
The dreams blear and the nightmare resume shape. I have a great desire to vomit dreams and memories. The raft continues to lose pressure and its waterline is increasingly at risk. The ocean seems to quiete down slowly, the tide seems to return long friend.
It’s the 17th of May 1993, almost six days after the sinking of the "Vento Fresco II", rescuers are no longer on our tracks, I’m alone with Andrea at approximately 700 miles west of Flores in the Azores. Now there is no room for the InfinTe. I have to take my friend home back to his beloved ones. And I must finish living my life. I’m 33 years old as John Belushi when he felt asleep for the last time in that damned Bungalow # 3 at Chateau Marmont.
I do not want to sleep any more. I’m unmindfully dandling a twice copper wire that falls more or less vertically from my lifejacket...
Paolo Rizzi 2006